HARD DAY, UP THE HILL BOTH WAYS IN THE SNOW!

ok so the snow was not on the ground... but i could see some up in the mountains so i think it counts for something!
I feel kinda dead! Today was my first day back at school after a semester long break, i was working and moving out to utah, anyways, it was killer, not in the sense that it was difficult or challenging, but rather the walking around an uphill campus on zero sleep literally, and no real substance to speak of. I fell asleep in the tub this morning thats how tired i was, on top of that i felt like i was gonna vomit all day from the 3 a.m. taquitos!
I got a free meal out of the day though! There was this air force boy ( go figure) in my class... the first thing he said to me was... " you're not from here are you?" hehe... no i am not, he assured me that i did not look sound or act like i was from utah, i informed him that he was just lucky that i did not bring my tutu to school! he smiled and bought me some taco time! While in line at taco time, a faculty member was standing behind us, she chimed into our pointless conversation and informed me that i was the most adorable thing! it was rockin! Talk about goofy encounter!
Anyways, I rushed home after my last class while talking to mommy on the phone, i got to hang out with my old lady friend for a bit, she brought me strawberries, and then got an awesome pkg from my mommy and daddy! That helped my mood tremendously! I shortly after had to return to the real world and proceeded to work like a good responsible adult.
Ya for working full time, going to school full time, playing rugby full time, and playing full time. So busy! UGH!

REVIEW

So I went home and it was just what i needed!!!! Ah Home Sweet Home! It was so wonderful! I got to be home for my daddy's bday, and i got to meet... well reunite with a long lost cousin and her babies!
I am beyond excited to have reesablished contact with Jen. She looks exactly the same and her babies are amazing. They have the most perfect personalities and dispositions! I hope to always have them in my life!
As for the actual events... it was kinda chill. We went to the Botanical gardens as a whole family. There was a Chinese culture festival which was super amazing. The flowers were in full bloom and the fam was all together. What more can one ask for? I even jumped into the fountains with the no wading disclaimers! I am like a cracken from the sea! hehehe!
Other than that we went to Denny's and we were loud and roudy as ever! It was a blast... gotta love my bacon!
We swam a heck of a lot too! The pool was heated to about 100 degrees so it was a giant hot tub!
Kyle and i finally talked after all this time. We mended some very broken hearts! I was so glad we were able to actually talk, it was honest kind and pure. I got my best friend back and we ave been talking every single day.
What else is great right now... well... school starts in 10 days and i cannot wait... i am talking beyond excited! I freakin heart school! I have a cross country road trip coming up in july as well! Four 20 something year olds in a car for 28 hours straight to LAKE MICHIGAN! I get to reunite with my Chilean family there. Other than that I am just loving responsibility and growing up, it is so stressful but so rewarding! I am fond of life right now!

Things to look forward too

I have so much to look forward to right now... but i keep looking down. I get to see my family in two days, i get to start school up again in the summer and go on one of the most relaxing vacations ever up to the bay in lake michigan, and in december i am going to get to go home to CHILE. I have my new puppy. All should be smiles but i am so hung up right now. I just hold onto things. need to let go and fly!

Awareness

I have all of a sudden become very aware of myself. I hate that feeling quite frankly the statements are true... ignorance is bliss. I was fine thinking that everyone else in my life was the sole source of my problems. Now I am being able to cycle through my life and see all of my contributions to my own heartache. To all of you who i have blaimed... know that i am sorry. The introspection is killing me but... more likely that not, it was not just you.

UGH

Do you ever have one of those days when you feel like someone has just stabbed you with a twisted sword? Today is that day. I had a hard night last night... one of those nights where you just lay on the couch and stare off. I needed my daddy. I talked to him for a while, but quite frankly i can't stand hearing the distance. I went on my "walk about" thinking i was so ready to take off, but honestly, i can barely manage the pain of separation from my family. I somehow get reminded of them in every action of everday, whether it is the song on the radio the tv show, the smells. Everything is somehow a reminder of what i gave up to come out here. It's a pretty heavy weight in the wee hours of the night. I miss the dumbest things too... like all of a sudden i have to get up and get my own water... i can't just go steal mom's. I can't go yell at my dad for being up at 4 am on ebay... roommates don't receive that very well.
Ya know its not even just missing home, it's a mirage of things. I just found out that Crystal is moving to Salt Lake, while only 2 hrs away, that means no more random movie nights and i cant just show up in the middle of the night for a good cry. I am losing my girl! I also have to go through all of these frustrations with being ill... doctor after doctor... tests that are dead ends and bill after bill. No answers. Then i get to leave the doctors and come into a job everyday that i can barely stand. It kind of my only option though... giving up on the benefits would be stupid! And its one of the best paying jobs in logan area... plus there are NO jobs here. What to do?
I am running out of hope. I am definately needing a refill on my dust. I even died my hair back to one color. And no leggings have been involved inthe wardrobe latly i just don't feel like myself. That flight home won't come soon enough.

Mommy's birthday

So i flew home to missouri a few weeks back! It was so good for me to be home. My siblings and i pulled some strings and were able to get us all flown home for mommy's big 50! She had just some of her drugs and was highly medicated when we arrived... she was unsure if we were even real! It was priceless... as soon as i said mommy she started crying. She could not believe her chickens had come home, after all it was all she had wanted! So we spent a very relaxed but awesome week together. We mostly chilled, went to the vineyard and had bday cake for breakfast! It was just a jolly old time. The kids all piling in the bed to watch tv again was a memory i will cherish. I even got to slepp in my parents bed for old time sake! It was amazing. I love the time we have together, now that all the chickens have flown the coop its less and less often. I look forward to going home in april for poppy's bday! While i was there i even got to visit columbia and see my jere, jess, justin, and elliott! It was so nice to be home, but it was also nice to get back to a life of semi independence!

MY KIDS

So I totally forgot to mention... i now have two new additions to my family... two mice! One named soufle and the other crema or cheeky! Soufle is tan and crazy adventureous. He loves to run around the house and play hide and seek under the furniture. Crema, well he is a bit anti social but he is working on it.... he does eat a lot!!! And he is getting the hang of this whole mouse ball thing! I think these new additions ave been very thereputical... they sure love me and Bryce. Jacob doesn't care much for them but.. such is life. They don't like him either ya know! Hehe!

Long time no write...

So honestly life has gone crazy. I have been so busy lately. I am balancing out moving from one house to another, finances, medical problems, dramatic changes at work, friends in dire need of my love and attention, Jeremy coming to visit, fling to and from home, etc.... It just seems to go on and on forever. When does life calm down? If anyone has the answers... let me know. On the good side. Its conference weekend and it's fairly chill out here in UT. I painted my nails lime green with silver stripes while driving to SLC. I got to go to a grizzlies hockey game with bry and his family, and got a pretty good nap on the way back to Logan.

Dancing w / daddy

Do you ever just miss certain moments... which in the scheme of things seem rather insignificant?
I just had one of those moments. I was thinking about my daddy. Throughout my life he has always danced with me. While I am now too big to stand on his feet and shuffle around, he still never passes up a chance to take his little girl by the hand and dance. I remember many dances very vividly, from the on the feet shuffles, to the hallway tangos, to the living room salsa. I love knowing that my daddy will never pass up on a dance. I sit here 1200 miles away and dream of one more dance. I love you daddy.

Soundtrack to my life!!!

So as I am sitting up in the middle of the night contemplating the big questions in life... I wonder, What exactly is the soundtrack of my life? What does it entail? So this is where you all come in... I need to know what you think belongs on my soundtrack. What just screams the PIXIE MADISON to you?Give me some feedback! I know this much, Frank Sinatra's "My Way" is on the top, followed closely by Mercedes Sosa's "Gracias A La Vida". What more? Remeber you are working with like 2 decades of life... there will probably need to be multiple volumes.

Where dust comes from...

I often have the expectation that people just know how I feel... I even expect that they have a clue as to what is going on in my head... until recently. I guess Pixie is a lost language. I take comfort in knowing that at lest my mommy speaks Pixie fluently. I love how I can call her at any given time, and without a word she can decipher my thoughts. How I wish the world had a few more marvelous souls who understand me. My family comes pretty close... especially my sister, but none other than my mom has it down pat. I often wonder if people even know I am a Pixie. I spent so much of my life in a, dare i say artificial state of being, in which I had no clue who I was... consequently, anyone who i associated with probably has no clue either... or what they believe may be completely off, i guess they just know a piece of the puzzle. I feel like I am finally coming together though, and rather nicely. I never thought there would be a time when all of my pieces would begin to align... but it is finally happening. Right now I have a nice mix of individuls behind me for love and support. Between my fam, the Iversons, the Browns(Logan and Fam), the Bosch Fishers(Crystal and Ian), Jeremy K., Kita, Olivia, and Jacob... I am all set. While they don't all speak Pixie... they love the way it sounds! They love me and encourage the pixie. this is how one gets one's dust. I is suppled by love and belief! Thank you. I love you.

The morning after...

So last night was a night of tears. I found myself on the floor in our local Borders crying, wanting my mother, missing my sister, needing to be home. Naturally I called my mom. My mother has this innate ability to give me hope no matter how miserable I may be-as usual she did. I was sitting on the floor in the test prep section not understanding why I was so sad, and she just knew. It's insane to me when someone else can pinpoint your emotions better than you. I know this was a good move for me, but it is so unbelievably difficult to adjust to such a different culture, such a different family. Sometimes I feel so drained, like all of the dust is gone. Mom did say that I can't be a Pixie all the time.
Not too long after I got off the phone with my mommy, Jacob Erickson, a coworker/friend, showed up. He had seen that I was upset. He picked up all of the MCAT books I had been looking at and quickly went to the check out and paid for them all. He assured me that all was well, gave me a wonderful hug and proceeded to kidnap me. He does not tolerate self pity. So off we went. Panda Express was first... I got some beef and broccoli (yes, I now eat Chinese). But that is insignificant to the story, however, I did get a fortune cookie, it read: A man who has hope has everything. Ok fortune cookie, are you stalking me?
We then proceeded to see Slumdog Millionaire, which was my second movie of the night. But gosh it was good. I had a hard time watching it, but that is the general recuirement of an Oscar winner, is it not? Anyway, it was amazing. I especially liked the scene at the end with the bollywood dancing! That's my kinda film!
After that came the milkshakes which gave me a Pixie sugar rush! I then decided to dance in a parkinglot for hours until I was pooped! So I guess it was a mission success for Jacob!
This morning though... or should I say this afternoon... I just woke up. It was two! Holy Moly. I did not get out of bed until just a minute ago. My entire body hurt. It was that morning after crying pain. So needless to say I missed church. (sad face). Now I am just chilling. Maybe I will go on a drive or do an art project! Bring on the dust Sunday... I have a long week ahead!

Intro

So this is the beginning of my story... my link to all those in my life from this day forward. As you all may know this has been an interesting time in my life - a time for adventure. I am embarking on this crazy roller coaster of life all of a sudden! So hold on and enjoy the ride. Grow up with me! I invite you to ask questions... anything you want to know about me. I want to keep you posted! Even if it is the most random question ever... give me something to talk about!